Inspiration

My lyrical genius has since dwindled
Fingers were tired
I’m reaching for a thimble
I can’t quit now I was just getting agile and nimble
To juxtapose words to create a bigger symbol
It’s not simple
The game needs fixing before it’s belittled
But who’s with him
The change up styles
And be different
They don’t get it
With all the money in the world
They can’t pay attention
So they miss the rhythm
To the native drum beats
They refuse to listen
But a wise woman once taught me
That real eyes
Realize
Real lies
Though some people catch on
More “fans” stand strong
So now my baby, in fear, hides
But I promise Hip-Hop
In me, you won’t die

Prototypical

I want a chick that’s prototypical
Not in the sense that she is like all others
but rather my miracle
I want be the soul
She be the neo
Together we create neo-soul
Just so I can put her first

A chick that just because she smiles I smile
A chick whose intelligence drives me wild
A chick who is GOD fearing
And whose name is nowhere near the smearing

A chick who understands me and past
Accept it for what it’s worth
And can express herself without having to hide behind a mask
I want her to be my best friend
And accept the fact that I have female friends
For which I’ve never had relations with
Which today seems like a crazy concept

I want a chick in which we can cry tears from love’s pain
To which we both try to restrain
But once released a ocean we name
The ocean of tears is our pain from love
I want us to be addicted to each other like a drug

Scratch that word chick

And change it to woman
Because I know that I’m growing
and I need someone who is willing to grow with me
And doesn’t have scared tendencies
In the relationship sense

And I know it’s possible because GOD makes someone for each of us
It’s just our job to find that love
So I want the prototypical woman who can seduce mentally
I will find her
Even if it’s the end to me…

The Gift of Life (Performance)

The Gift of Life

FYI: I wrote the female verses, and the homegirl Candace Jordan wrote the male's....check it out

I don’t what it is with him, every time we talk it’s a debate.

I feel like this is another mistake.

Why not take a break?

But damn it’ll be 3rd time this month

and I don’t know how to tell him that we need to be one

because now we have one on the way;

and as much wrong as he’s done

I can’t stop this wanting him to stay

I just want him to say he loves me

I really don’t like to talk to females like this,

but I always find myself telling her to shut up.

She trip just when I tell another female what’s up.

I don’t know if I can fool with this anymore.

Chillin’ with her is becoming less of a pleasure and more like a chore.

This makes me so frustrated.

She thinks we’re in love just because we made it.

I’m not saying I don’t love her I’m just saying I don’t know if I do.

And it’s hard for me to decide when she’s permanently convinced

I’m never telling her the truth

It’s been like 2 days!!

Where the hell you been?

Here we go again…

Then you wonder why I’d rather chill

with my friends instead of you.

Always quick to cop an attitude

talking bout how u independent and don’t need me

then 5 sec later begging “baby please don’t leave me .”

I don’t need you, I want you

for the things you used to do and say;

for the roles we used to play

but now you’re chasing other tail

so I no longer feel like your prey.

Every night I pray

you come back to your senses

to feel so relentless to share your love.

But no!

You quick to jump in the car with you boys

and ignore what we have

You paid so much attention to this bank

so that when you withdraw

I can’t afford to be myself

so I may asked someone else for a loan.

And you wonder why I hate being ignored by your phone

Aight

Really that’s all you have to say?

Naw but if I said more it’s not like you would listen.

Every time we talk you try to argue and petition,

so really there’s no point.

And yes I did ignore your texts and phone calls,

but you love to play games.

So don’t act like you don’t do the same exact thing to me at all.

These games you think I play

are my inner child fighting attention.

The fact that you don’t give it to me

shows how much you don’t listen.

I do tune you out,

it’s better than sitting here listening

to every little thing you want to nag me about.

You don’t respect me as man

yet expect me to value you as a woman.

You make demands like I’m a child,

it’s not that I’m childish

I’m just tired of this.

No you’re childish and selfish

You might want to calm that down,

I’m pregnant!

Yes it yours, no questions.

Got a headache now, here’s Excedrin.

And I hope you don’t think

it’s a problem, this is a blessing.

So all that BS you do

correct it. Now check it

I’ve been here through thick and thin

know more than you think, yet I keep it deep within

trust me baby, that stuff you can’t hide

these real eyes realize real lies

so cut the crap and clean up your act

we have a family to provide for

aint no turning back

Yea that sounds good

but nothing real lies between us.

And I recognize that you have your dirt too.

You just erase your inboxed and sent messages

quicker than I do. Matter of fact you just lied.

Telling me its mine and I need to provide

when I know you cheated. Oh you didn’t think I knew

you let my homeboy beat it? I’ve been knowing

you were pegnant so I’m not surprised.

You can say whatever but you’re not going to

convince me we need to be together.

I haven’t been try to trick you,

the fact that you think that hurts.

And so I had sex with him once,

I’ve seen you do worse.

All the pictures in your phone

but telling me you want this work

and now you claiming you don’t.

Probably cause of this child

I really don’t understand you point

or your purpose on this earth.

So that’s how you feel?

Yeah

And I feel like I don’t know what it is with you.

I stick here with you

though you never tell the truth.

Why don’t you seem to get that I just love you?

I lie about little stuff

so I don’t have to hear you mouth.

You fuss so much that sometimes

I don’t even think you know what you talking about.

And you don’t love me!

You’re just in love with the idea of not being alone.

It’s not in your heart it’s all cognitive.

didn’t answer your call because I found out

I’m HIV positive.

But I been calling the past 2 days with no answer

and this is how you come at me;

to tell me you got HIV?

And You knew about this bun in the oven?

You always saying I’m lying and fronting,

but I just told you the truth.

Don’t say I ain’t never gave y’all nothing!

Conquering Invictus

To preface this poem, Google Susan Smith, and read up about her brutal murder of her children and accusation of a black man.

Out of the night that covers me,

is I make these strides to be free before I’m cold.

I thank whatever gods may be

for my [conquerable] soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I heard my children cry aloud.

Under the bludgeoning of chance

my thoughts are scathed and un-vowed.

Beyond this bridge of tears

looms but the Horror of the shade,

and yet this pain I’ve held in for years

finds, and shall find, me [afraid].

It matters not how strait the [lane],

and I can think of someone else to take this toll.

I am the master of [their] fate:

I am the captain of [his] soul.

On Bended Knee

“Nothing’s more attractive than a heavy praying woman”

I thought I saw the light rather it was disguised by an omen.

I thought you’d be in my life for much more than a moment.

When challenge comes you’re running; with food for thought you’re hungry.

I just knew I’d say I do I do I do I do,

‘til I realized the words you said were so far from the truth.

Now I’m sitting contemplating on this path I have choose;

& you think that if I don’t choose you I shall just lose

Now you’re gassing me up for the plans I have to win.

You might have joined my race but won’t get to see me at the end.

You thought that was the finish when it was just the commence.

When prayers become heaven sent, you not once said amen.

You thought you had this figured out

You thought you saw it from my sight

But if you really knew the answers

Maybe what we had could be right

I’m out of stamina and don’t think this is worth the fight

I’ll just be praying hard to build up courage to say bye to my ex-future wife

Can I Live

As I ride through the night,
I ponder this distant life
seen through this near-sight,
pain endured light;
so no longer do I fight
in fear of what I’ll write.

So I re-evaluate life,
while shinning a gleaming light
on the battles that I fight
while I ponder what I’ll write
with this much so blurry sight
that’s even worse in the foggy night.

See what I believed is a beautiful sight,
has been disguised with a distant light
of the devils that I fight
too often every night
as I grab the pen to write
about this so-called life

Often what is done at night
is usually brought to the light
by the pen I use to write.
But from this obscured sight
my mind studies life
typically ending in a fight.

So I search for the light
to shine as I write
what I think will ease this night
illuminating my sight,
giving my heart for something to fight
placing a new perspective on life

But who cares what I write,
they don’t see it from my sight.
They’re too worried about their life
and the battles that they fight
that when speaking of my opaque night
they wouldn’t shed a fading light

So, to the air do I fight
on such a gloomy night
that I may live through what I write.

...Hey

This life I wish away
Because you are not here
Is enough to say

But when it is night, I hope for day
So your voice I do not hear
For it is long gone away

I couldn’t fathom this space
In which you were not near
To attempt to have your say

These clouds are darker than gray
Its silent sounds in these ears
As your image floats away

My mind became a stray
As you found a different tier
Before goodbyes I could say

So now I kneel to pray
About this death I do fear
That when I float away
To you I can say…

Free Slave

Don't give the black man books

Keep 'em far away from the river

Scare 'em with a look

So they won't turn up missing

Thoughts while hanging from this tree

From a voice unheard

So foolish how they think of me

I know what happens when you feed rice to a bird

My children know better than to be held back

I taught them that they're scared of what the literate black is saying

Especially when we're saying facts

That just might loosen the nooses from hangings

So as I become a martyr on this tree

I am proud to say I did all I could to give-us us free

Dreamin'

***WARNING****
This poem in no way reflects me, or anyone I know. It is just an untold story. Enjoy.


I’ve been going through a lot these past couple months
I don’t know where I am no more
I think I’m still in my bed
& I’m just dreamin

If possible I wanna relive my life from start/Tryna stay so bright I still end the dark/don’t know if I can play while I live in the park/I might as well stay on the park bench then live from the start/I’m tryna start over and do the right thing/But I don’t even know how to find me a queen/When I’m no longer a king/I’ve done too many things/too many wrongs/too many blessing I deceive &/chose not to receive/now I’m looking at other people like can they perceive/all the pain I’ve been through/all the strife/I’m tryna turn all my wrongs to right/but I hope I’m just dreamin’

To live or not to live/now I’m the judge and jury/I’m know I’m not Him/and I wasn’t born purely/But damn/At least I was born/and I’m sorry/But we were both so torn and unwarned/Backed into a corner of no return/I guess this is just another life lesson learned/I’m so scared now that m soul may burn/knowing that a gave up God’s gift when it was my turn/This is so hard to put into words/cause in March I know your voice won’t get to be heard/My pops said man-up/cause what’s done is done/but I know he ain’t too proud of his son/ lucky I’m just dreamin’

I done sold my soul for 400 pieces of gold/I know I should feel the heat/but rather I feel so cold/I feel so cruel/this wasn’t a part of lifes rule/God knew this would happen/So why was it me that he choose/& I don’t even understand my life/Tryna life through the pain/Tryna fight the strife/I pray to skies like “Father let me in”/Just have a heart and forgive all my sins/I’m so sorry for what I did/I would love it so much to hear the breath of my kid/& this is something that I’ll never forget/& as for myself/I’ll never forgive/ MAN I’M GLAD I’M JUST DREAMING

the|rapist

Things being forced
No longer asked
Rather told
iFeel like they’re looking directly into my soul
But not a soul hears these cries
Just another black soul left to die
Left to commit an internal suicide
But wait
Someone is the cause of this homicide
This rape
Everything forced to be given
As I feel them taken
I just lie there
Not sure of what’s next
So much is transpiring between each breath
But there’s nothing I can do
My soul
My thoughts
My all
Exposed
All to a stranger
The More it continues
The More I’m ripped apart
I know from it I won’t be the same
Why can’t I shed light in this dark
I’m trapped
Stuck between much more than a rock
& I wish it a hard place on the other side
I’m not sure how much more of this I can take
My mind is panicking
I try to squeeze tight
But it all just escapes
& I can’t stop it
Everything is flowing
Nile-like
Music is what iWish it could these sounds sound like
But this is real life
& I’m reminded every second I’m here
Every tear
Every provoked thought
Throughout this never-ending story
It worries me
Where will my befrom here
Especially when it seems like this is the only person in a while who hears
iTried
iFought
But how quickly iSee
Maybe this is what life had in store for me
Maybe this position is where I’m supposed to be
iWish I could I stop it
End this madness
But it continues
More vigorously
The rest of my
Mind
Body
Soul
Taken from me
All for this moment in time
& as it concludes
If you could see these eyes
If only it were in my mind
If only I was being incepted
Then I could have some bliss
But this shit
Has caused my
Mind
Body
Soul
All to rip
Exposed to be built right again
Thanks to therapist


This is a metaphor. I make this statement so that you understand the poem, and take time to read it more than once. Maybe then you will see its real mean. The clear meaning, nor methophorical meaning are no reflection on my life. They are story that came to me from a misinterpretation. Thank you for reading. Leave comments.

Double Entendre

As this chapter closes

New ones find ways to bleed the page

The thoughts of this past won’t quickly fade away

My mind wanders where should I be, damn near every day

But I hide all these thoughts, it’s not time for me to say

Yet I need to decide before it is too late

& create troubles that God would forsake

This is the story of my life

In more than one way…